July 19, 2017

My 30 Day Yoga Failure

My husband showed me a video of an engineer whose friends dared him to ride a bicycle they had re-made so when you turn the handle bars to the right, the wheels go left. He understood it in theory but couldn't ride the bike that way because his mind and body were wired for riding how he'd learned as a child. Many people tried but no one could do it. He shared how our brains have something like algorithms that take a long time to change. Even if our minds know something, it takes much longer to accept and it's often with practice. So he practiced riding the backward bike five minutes every day for eight months. Finally, it clicked and he was able to ride!

I started this challenge to do yoga for thirty days. Sidenote: I am not an A-type personality; I'm more of a Z-type. So naturally, I haven't done so well with my challenge. I started out strong logging my excitement through the first week:

Day 1:
Today I woke up with a stiff neck and sore right shoulder so jumping into yoga was exciting because I knew it would stretch them out. This first video seemed really gentle and slow. It wasn't completely what I expected but it was exactly what I needed! Felt so amazing at the end. The stiffness in my neck was almost gone and soreness in my shoulder had disappeared.

Day 2: 
I really enjoyed today's stretching video. It felt good on my shoulders and back. The low lunges were difficult for me and I found myself having to lower my knees to stay balanced even after adjusting my position. Hopefully I'll gain strength there. I enjoyed the routine of touching toes and stepping back though!

Day 3:
This lesson was more difficult for me. It focused on balancing and I really struggled to hold several of the poses. It just showed me that I really need to work on building balance. it was a tiny bit discouraging but I know over time I will gain strength.

Day 4:
Oh my, I loved this day's practice. It felt so good to my body and lower back! I was able to easily do all the practices so that helped boost confidence. I am wondering how to do the child's pose when I have a belly. Do you open the legs to make room? Keep your head higher? I need some adjustments in that. It's so relaxing to end in corpse pose.

Day 5:
This was a fairly easy practice and seemed short compared to the other ones.

Day 6:
I usually hate abdominal workouts, but I'll admit I liked this one. It was done with enough flow and change of activity that it didn't register as too difficult to my brain, even though my abs felt it!

Day 7: 
Worked up a sweat today! This one was a bit more active and used many of the moves she's been teaching. It was easier to follow along because I'm becoming more familiar with them. Only the side leg lift took me off-balance, everything else was doable.

Day 8:
More meditative and calming. This feel on a Saturday and was perfect for relaxation and resetting my mind.

Then I had a rough day and didn't fit yoga in. It snowballed into a bunch of days. 

Day 14:
This one was nice and stretching with legs and shoulders. I did have a pain shoot through my left knee during one of the forward lunges, so I turned my foot outward a bit more and that seemed to help.

Entered day fourteen, then nothing. Today's the eighteenth.

My inner critic started in with: "I knew you wouldn't do it", "You can't finish anything", and "You never do it right". Inner critics are so mean! I didn't want to blog about it. I felt silly and stupid for not being consistent with 30 days of yoga (especially since I was enjoying it). 

But then I thought of you and how you might feel alone in your struggle to do new things. How you might feel like you're the only one falling down, when you're certainly not. Maybe you have failures like me and need to see someone bite the dust to know we can stand back up. I thought about the bike rider and how we're all wired. New habits are not like a switch you flip and suddenly you're different. It takes time. It takes re-training and practice. Reaching goals is more like stumbling than walking a perfect line.

Fall down, get up again. Fall down, get up again. Fall down and sit for days, get up again.

We need time to change the algorithm.

So I'm getting up and I'm going to finish this challenge in an imperfect, falling-forward way. Maybe I won't get all the days in, but that's okay; some days are better than nothing. I'm shushing the inner critics, embracing imperfection and continuing on.

Do you struggle with this? Are you a stumbling goal-setter?

July 7, 2017



Sometimes a girl wants an extra dose of movement and this capsule is made for feeling flouncy! It's got a great mix of patterns, solids and tons of ruffles. No matter what outfit or mix of items you choose, your clothes will dance with you every step of the way.

Flouncy by thecatherinedenton featuring tie-dye skirts

MSGM short dress

Print dress
$19 - yoins.com

Dorothy Perkins ruffle top

Mulberry silk skirt
$900 - mulberry.com

Chloé patterned shorts
$840 - harrods.com

Tailored pants
$220 - trouva.com

J Crew tie dye skirt
$130 - net-a-porter.com

Mabu pom pom shoes

Silk bag
$230 - hollygolightly.dk

Mar y Sol beige clutch
$97 - fashion-conscience.com

Tie choker

July 5, 2017

You are a Writer

Since I was a child, I've loved reading and writing; two things that have remained constants in my life. But I don't call myself a writer. I tend to think writers are the ones who are published, who have large blogs, or whose articles make it into the New Yorker. But the truth is obvious. 

If you write, you are a writer.

Why is that statement so hard to accept? I love how Jeff Goins talks about the practice of writing. First, it must be a practice. He also encourages writing in public. Practicing your art in public ~ no matter the genre ~ has an impact on improving your craft. For the comedian, the audience helps him understand which bits will land and which ones will bomb. For the painter, the audience shows what they're drawn to in her work. For the writer, it sheds light on what topics impact others. If you haven't read his book, You Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One), you should! It's incredibly inspiring.

I have been an on-again, off-again blogger for about eight years (I had a previous blog before this one). It's my favorite public platform and I always return after life pulls me away. I was cleaning up some of my old posts last week, and it surprised me how many essays I found among them. Granted some of those essays make me cringe now, but they also encourage me because I see improvement.

Writing on this site has given me a place to practice in front of others, no matter how many or how few. To speak my heart in written form.

I'm still learning how to do this. Probably will be saying that until the day I die. The beauty of creating something is that there's always room for improvement. The crafting of our art is beautiful because of the process. If we can view it that way, then there is no fear in claiming a name for what we're already doing. Although I could call myself a painter, a knitter, or a musician as well, because I do those things with semi-regularity; it's writing that has always pulled my heartstrings. And that's probably because . . .

I am a writer.

Are you a writer? What calls to you?

July 4, 2017

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July! (to all my stateside friends) Happy Day! (to the rest of you)

My goals today are:

1. Not to lose my dog. 
He ran off last year and I thought I'd lost him forever. We looked everywhere and couldn't find him. Fortunately he showed up the next day at our front door. So this year he will be staying inside and only go out on a leash!

2. Eat my weight in watermelon and popsicles!
I mean, does this one need an explanation?

3. Play in water!
I love swimming, so hopefully we'll get to do that. But if not, I'd happily be sprayed with a water gun.

4. Stay in air conditioning!
Well, obviously.

5. Eat vegan hot dogs with a plethora of toppings.
Yeah, don't give me grief about them being vegan, they are just as good. (Okay they're not, but they're better for you, so there!)

Two-fifths of my goals are about food, wonder what does says about me. Also, did you notice fireworks aren't on my list? Honestly I could do without them. I'm usually coaxed into seeing them with friends but I'd be just as happy sitting in air conditioning with my watermelon.

What are your goals today?

June 30, 2017

Dealing with Grief as a Mom

I stood frozen in my living room shocked to hear that a student I loved was being taken off life support. I was stunned and heartbroken. I could not pull it together. I cried in front of all three of my kids throughout the day. It felt as if I was coming apart at the seams and I hated it ~ even felt guilty for it.

As I apologized for my tears, my kids asked me why I was apologizing. It's normal to cry when you lose someone, they reminded me. 

1. Our children need to see our tears, it lets them know crying is normal.

They were right but I wrestled with feeling ridiculous, narcissistic and weak. Tracing it back, I found somewhere along my life I'd picked up the belief that mothers shouldn't cry in front of their children. When I examined that thought, I realized I didn't want to hang onto it. I wouldn't expect that from any of my friends so why was I telling myself that lie?

2. We need others to help us process; we shouldn't do it alone.

Sharing tears with my kids and telling them some of my hurt felt healthy; but I didn't want to burden them too much with the full heaviness of my grief. So when my husband came home, I asked him to listen while I talked about my student and what she meant to me. He took my hand and listened. As I poured out stories about her, fluctuating between laughing and sobbing, I felt relief. Something inside lightened a bit.

A few days later, she died. My best friend called and asked me to come for coffee. She knew I was struggling and that it would be difficult. We sat and talked for hours about how we'd miss this young girl. I felt a bit lighter. I wasn't carrying the burden alone.

3. Be honest about what you need.

I ended up speaking at the funeral, giving a few remembrances. It was emotional but good. I felt empowered to be able to share stories and thoughts about this beautiful girl.

But afterwards, I was exhausted and hungry. I didn't really want to go home yet. My son was with me, a high-schooler, and I felt a bit silly asking, but knew I should be honest about what I needed. So I asked if he'd be willing to go eat with me at a place my student had told me to try. It was a place with vegan options and she was sure I'd love it. My son agreed and we went. Sitting in that restaurant felt like a connection with her, eating the food she knew I'd like and making her a part my life. It was beautiful closure on a difficult day.

Doing these three simple things allowed me to process grief in a way my children and others could help me with. Grief is part of life and our kids will know it soon enough. Letting them see how we deal with it can paint a picture for them of how they can deal with it too.

How have you dealt with grief in front of your children or others?