October 4, 2018

Refusing Self-Pity

I didn't realize how much self-pity I had until I started taking notice. Then it kind of got ridiculous. I felt sorry for myself if someone spoke too harsh. I felt sorry for myself if they didn't speak to me. I felt sorry for myself when I failed a goal, and the same if I succeeded.

It was basically a non-stop ride of self-pity. And once I started being aware of it, I was overwhelmed. And honestly, started to feel sorry for myself because I couldn't get away from it! (AGAIN with the self pity!!)

But what could I do? I thought about it and wondered, what if . . .

I decided to live without self-pity.

The very thought felt impossible to me. But I wanted to give it a try. Now when I start feeling self-pity, I remind myself that self-pity is not an option anymore.

I'm not gonna lie, it is HARD! For so long I found comfort in feeling sorry for myself. There's a small relief that comes from it, because feeling sorry for yourself doesn't require anything from you. It's simply wallowing in how bad life is. It takes all the responsibility off of you and puts it onto the world.

The downside of giving all the responsibility to something outside yourself is that it takes away all your power. Allowing myself to play the victim set me at the mercy of everything and everyone. I didn't like that; I wanted it to stop.

Refusing to feel sorry for yourself, rejecting self-pity, gives all the responsibility and the power back to you. I don't have to stay stuck in a sinking muck of poor me's anymore. No time for it! If there is no room for self pity then

I can move forward!

It releases me! I can move beyond the moment of wallowing and into the promising future. I can stay present and enjoy this moment, instead of staying frozen in the past. Breaking away from self-pity allows me to grab life by the horns and ride.


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