November 17, 2011

Afraid to Hope

Sterile walls met me like an unwanted antagonist and I hated their familiarity.

Carrying food to a worried family, I tried to hope for them but failed. Their father teetered close to death and my previous hopes had ended in a final farewell. I attempted prayer without faith to uphold it. Dropping bags onto the waiting room table, I hugged a tearful daughter and left with a heavy heart.

I didn't want to face death again. I didn't want to see beautiful people lose someone they loved.  Emotions I'd packed neatly away fell from their high shelves and shattered. I begged. I fought. And finally in defeat, I waited for the horrid call.

A week later I got a text. He was awake, speaking. and laughing. He'd made it. Staring at my phone in disbelief, I wept for joy.  I wept for renewed hope.


  1. Oh! I know this feeling. I'm stopping by from Emily's. I'm so glad this ends with hope.

  2. I've often had the same feeling, too. Afraid to hope, but God comes through in the end...and hope is restored.

  3. Hope is the torch that keeps darkness at bay. I hope that yours burns brighter than ever! :)

  4. That reads like a poem. So glad for the good news. So sorry for more trials.

  5. oh friend. i love this line: "i tried to hope for them but failed." and i love that God hoped for them, for you. a beautiful, redemptive piece.

  6. I've prayed those kind of begging, no-faith prayers before and been surprised by God's grace! I am so glad everything is working out for this family and I pray for continued healing for this beloved daddy. Thank you for sharing this, Catherine!!



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