Something to Say

You have something to say.

It may not be profound

Or extremely life-changing,

But you have wisdom to give.

Small, explosive wisdom

That comes from living life

In the honest trenches,

Deeply aware of your failures.

You learn lessons in the pit

About what connects you

To the heart of others and

What pushes you away.

You learn your weak-

Spots and blind-spots.

You see your mistakes

And bravely own them.

You find your hidden power

In unexpected moments.

Emerging as a leader,

Creator, or problem-solver.

You awaken from growth

On the side of experience

With tender wisdom to share ~

Something important to say.

You Have Not Failed

We interrupt this program to bring you an important message: 

You have not failed.

Often at the beginning of the year, we feel so full of life and energized with goals but then, one misstep and we feel like we've failed.

I had a moment like that this week. I re-started my healthy eating plan on Monday and I was doing good, but on Tuesday night I found myself stuffing a handful of cookies in my mouth. Afterwards I felt like a complete failure.

But messing up is not a failure, it's part of the process.

I realized in the middle of my pity-party that being mad at myself and giving up after one mistake would be ridiculous. I didn't completely fail, I messed up. Failing would be giving up completely and never trying again.

When I think of failure I think of something that is completely done and can't be fixed. For example, if I'm fixing dinner and I completely burn the meal to the point that we can't eat it, that meal has failed to be edible. It's done, it's over.

But you're here. You clicked on this post and I'm guessing it's because you needed to hear that you haven't failed. Even if things have ended in your life or you've suffered big losses, you are still here ~ seeking, growing. You haven't given up on life or your dream, or that relationship or whatever it is you're pursuing.

You are here.

And that tells me that you're not ready to stop. You're moving forward. You may just need a little encouragement that you haven't failed. Most likely your problem is simply a misstep or a mistake ~ one that can be fixed. But even if it can't be fixed, you have a choice in this moment. 

You have a choice to move forward, to grow, to extend kindness to yourself and others.

And that is never a failure.

So please, be gentle with yourself and remember this: You have not failed, you're simply in the middle of your process.

Are you worried that you've failed? Please tell me in the comments below so I can encourage you. Are you embracing your process? I'd love to hear how! Let's hold each other up.

A Smile Costs Nothing

I stood in the grocery store at the first of the month, with a snowstorm coming, the day before the Super Bowl. I'd picked the absolute worst time to shop. But I determined to make the best of it and enjoy the walk through the aisles.

As I dodged other stuffed carts mirroring my own, I noticed a young boy around five years old. He had huge eyes and messy hair ~ completely adorable. His parents were hurrying along with what seemed to be a new baby sister sleeping in her car seat in the front of the grocery cart.

The little boy absently stepped into my way and the father quickly pulled him back apologizing. I smiled at them trying to reassure him it was no trouble.

I noticed a flash of surprise sweep over his face. It took me off guard. They seemed relieved.

We ran into each other several more times in the small, crowded store and they were eager to connect with me, hungry even. I couldn't help wondering what their story was. Were they new to town? Were they so hungry for connection that a smile had opened their starving souls? Had they struggled to find kindness?

It reminded me how powerful a simple smile can be. It can lighten the heaviness in someone's day. It can make someone feel welcome, special. It's so small ~ so easy to give. It costs nothing but a little effort. 

Let's remember to reach out with this one simple gesture of love.

Does this ring true with you? Has a smile ever shifted your day? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

To Open Their Heart, Open Yours

Vulnerability is so strange. It has the capacity to break open barriers and tie hearts in the tightest union.

People don't usually venture to show their vulnerability until they feel safe. No one wants to chance revealing their heart and risk devastation.

But sometimes we need to risk it.

There is beauty in laying out our soul for another in a way that opens it up for them to share their soul. Not to get something from them, but because they're worth the risk.

When my kids reached adolescence I found myself pulling back. I felt the sting of seeing them notice my faults and lower their awe. They noticed with more adult eyes my bad motivations and inconsistencies. They weren't easily soothed or distracted. Their adolescent minds could discount and challenge me.

I began closing a door that should've stayed wide open.

As I closed my doors, my children closed to me. It wasn't until I began opening my heart again and reaching out, despite the risk of rejection, that they could trust me with their hearts. It taught me a huge lesson.

We should be willing to risk laying down our pride and fears for the sake of those we love. We often expect others to take the first step towards us, when true love requires sacrifice~ being the first to apologize, speak or touch.

It's amazing how those around us blossom when we reach out, open our hearts to them and take the risk to love in a way that's difficult for us and tender for them.



Do you find it difficult to open your heart? Are you in relationship with people who make it easy?

30 Outfits with 10 Pieces

Sometimes I surrender to my crazy.

Reading her blog and getting inspired by her photos of 30 outfits with 10 items, I sat down and worked out ~ on index cards with markers ~ what I could do with ten items. This concept is not new to me, but somehow my wardrobe continues to get new pieces and I have to reduce it again.

I've handwritten outfit combinations before but being a visual kind of gal, I decided to draw them out this time. A little tedious, yes, but so much fun for me. It pulled all the creativity I own into one helpful project. The irony of this is that I don't consider myself concerned with fashion but I love creating within boundaries and ten items is a tantalizing challenge. I like the idea of knowing I could live more simply with less stuff, but I also love variety; so seeing that I can have assortment of outfits with ten items helps me follow-through.

I taped all the outfits to my tiny closet door so that I will have a view of what to choose each day. I sorted them out so that the tops wouldn't be next to each other during week. If you're on the fence about whether my crazy has taken over, here's a little something else...

Yes, I also drew accessories and shoes I wanted to wear, to help me while drafting the outfits. I think this might be the start of a new career ~ letting people send me photos of ten items they own and I'll draft up thirty outfits. What do you think? I'm teasing, of course . . . unless you're interested. ;)

Do you like doing stuff like this, or would it drive you insane?

On Truth and Bravery

Writing often opens hidden doors for me.

I've been writing a lot lately. Something happens to me when I'm writing in an unfamiliar world; buried stuff begins to surface. I'm beginning to see a huge connection between loose writing and what I'm trying to make sense of in the real world. It opens wounds I didn't realize were there and reveals what I need to work on. Truth is beautiful and deadly.

Deadly?

Yes, because often when I'm faced with truth, a death has to happen to my old belief. If I always believed I was incapable of living a healthy life, then I must let that thought die and grab onto the new one that I can choose to live better. In the midst of being honest, I have to let go of what's not true. When a wrong belief surfaces and I tell the truth about it, death begins to happen. My old beliefs don't have the voice they once did and if I continue to tell the truth, soon my old beliefs fall silent in their graves.

It's not easy to tell the truth. It's difficult to face what we may have held as truth for a long time that we suddenly realize is a lie. Sometimes when this happens I want to sit down and quit. But when the truth turns on the light to the lies, it's extremely hard to go backwards and sometimes that makes me furious. Sitting on the side of the road feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere. It's just a tantrum. 

I've been prone to self-pity and inward tantrums throughout my life. In the past year I've worked catching myself in the midst of these tantrums and telling the truth. It's not easy to hear and sometimes I want to wrap myself in self-condemnation and poor-me's so I don't have to face the truth that I have a choice. The truth is I don't have to stay here on the side of the road. I can get up. I can face that fear, mistake or failure. What's going to happen when I do? What is the worst that can happen? That's the question I've started asking myself when I come to this crossroads. I sit there naming all that could happen ~ from the realistic to the ridiculous ~ and then, I tell the truth.

I can get up. I can take the first step and admit I'm wrong. I can do the thing I fear. I can move forward with shaking legs and trembling fingers.

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the moving forward in spite of it.

Since we're talking about truth here, I'll be honest; I don't feel very brave. I'm the sort that would rather run than fight. But I've been standing lately, in spite of trembling on the spot. I'm learning what standing in the middle of fear feels like. It's terrifying. But it's also strengthening.

To accomplish what you need to, we must face our fear, forehead to forehead. Shaking, sweating and shivering; stand firm and tell the truth. The truth that yes you've failed. No, you're not who you want to be but you can change. Or maybe the truth that you have accomplished beautiful things and you're not a failure. Embrace that part of you that you've long held at a distance. Wrap your arms around it and pull it in close, choosing to make it part of your story.

Can you guess what word I've chosen for the year? In case it's not obvious, my word is brave. As cliche as that may be, it's what I need in my life. I'm aware now that my biggest fears will be realized; I will look stupid, be wrong, be misunderstood and unloved. But I will also grow, be right, be understood and loved.

Sometimes the bravest thing about living life is knowing we have the capacity to be terrified and brave; then telling the truth about it.

Have you wrestled with truth? Have you come forehead to forehead with fear?