This past year has been full of feeling things deeply. Sobs emerge out of the calm, and laughter erupts in broken moments. I can't figure out if I'm waking from emotional sleep or just having more of an awareness in life, but I'm grateful. I'm immersed and I feel it. It's powerful and terrifying.
I sat beside a mom at a basketball game on Saturday who was holding her two-year-old son with his thumb in his mouth nuzzled close to her. He didn't say a word the entire game, just cuddled and stared with big eyes. I sat there almost grieving; not because my kids are older now, but because I didn't do things the way I dreamed I would. I'm not the perfect mom I imagined. I seem to live by the If/Then complex ~ thinking if I had done {fill in the blank} then I would've been {insert great word here}.
Deciding between a perfect person or someone that has faults and admits them; I have to go with the latter. At least that's what I say cognitively. But the way I live is quite different. I let the guilt of not being perfect cling to me like static clothes. It's hard to let go of those perfect shadows.
I'm broken. And as hard as I try, I can't fix it. I will never be perfect. But I can be patched. I can live a life of chipped thoughts and cracked moments. I can feel them deeply and love them as they are. I can remember that brokenness is like a pile of mismatched fabric pieces that when arranged properly, can become a beautiful patchwork quilt.
Maybe our lives are meant to be like that, a melding of broken pieces into one beautiful life ~ like stained glass or a mosaic. We so avoid those splinters of life that we forget the art it's creating up ahead. I'm beginning to see brokenness not as a deficit, but as a strength. It's what bleeds us together and ties us into one unified mass. Seeing it, I feel more alive, more connected to everything around me. The wounds help me love deeper, sing sweeter and hope stronger. Yes, I believe brokenness is a strength.
Photos: //an apple in the kitchen window//colorful straws//the plant I love and forget to water//Harry Potter wands {diy here}//
Photos: //an apple in the kitchen window//colorful straws//the plant I love and forget to water//Harry Potter wands {diy here}//