November 17, 2011

Afraid to Hope


Sterile walls met me like an unwanted antagonist and I hated their familiarity.

Carrying food to a worried family, I tried to hope for them but failed. Their father teetered close to death and my previous hopes had ended in a final farewell. I attempted prayer without faith to uphold it. Dropping bags onto the waiting room table, I hugged a tearful daughter and left with a heavy heart.

I didn't want to face death again. I didn't want to see beautiful people lose someone they loved.  Emotions I'd packed neatly away fell from their high shelves and shattered. I begged. I fought. And finally in defeat, I waited for the horrid call.

A week later I got a text. He was awake, speaking. and laughing. He'd made it. Staring at my phone in disbelief, I wept for joy.  I wept for renewed hope.




6 comments :

  1. Oh! I know this feeling. I'm stopping by from Emily's. I'm so glad this ends with hope.

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  2. I've often had the same feeling, too. Afraid to hope, but God comes through in the end...and hope is restored.

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  3. Hope is the torch that keeps darkness at bay. I hope that yours burns brighter than ever! :)

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  4. That reads like a poem. So glad for the good news. So sorry for more trials.

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  5. oh friend. i love this line: "i tried to hope for them but failed." and i love that God hoped for them, for you. a beautiful, redemptive piece.

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  6. I've prayed those kind of begging, no-faith prayers before and been surprised by God's grace! I am so glad everything is working out for this family and I pray for continued healing for this beloved daddy. Thank you for sharing this, Catherine!!

    Amy

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